It's Just a Piece of Cake Really
by 4 the killer
Summary: a funny one shot of Draco trying to get some of Hermione's cake...is he successful? Maybe... Please read! FOR THE LOVE OF CAKE PLEASE! note cake death and some swearing you have been warned...


Draco Malfoy doesn't just walk down a hallway. He FLAUNTS down a hallway. Yep you read me correctly. The man likes to work his "junk", junk of course meaning his very visible womanly shaped ass. What? You were thinking something else in terms of what his "junk" was? Well, what was it? I'm now curious… (you pervert tsk tsk).

Oh sure the man is good looking. But really he's got a bubble butt. He in fact has a much nicer buttocks then a certain Lavender Brown.

Now THAT'S saying a lot.

What does Malfoy flaunting his ass down the hallway for boys to ogle before they realize they're mistake and go beet red like a fresh garden tomato in utter embarrassment have to do with cake you ask? Well I don't know, you asked! Haha ok fine that was a lame joke… DON'T YOU ROLL YOUR EYES AT ME… well at the computer screen or wherever your reading this….

To tell you the truth. Cake has a major purpose today as to why a certain Malfoy is flaunting it twice as hard as normal. Today is the day that Hermione Granger, a much loved member of the "Golden Trio", makes her Super Decadent Devil Chocolaty Chocolate Chip Fudge Cake.

Just the name alone makes Draco drool in ecstasy. The mere thought of that smooth velvety rich chocolate bursting in his mouth with an intense flavour that can almost send him over the edge! Over the edge of what? I don't think I want to answer that thank-you. *cough cough*.

And if your going ew because you don't like chocolate. Then to whomever you are: YOU NEED SERIOUS MEDICAL ATTENTION! (Crazy psycho not liking chocolate… what a nut… OH! Nuts! Did I mention that the icing on the cake has some crushed almonds in them? Soooo good! *mouth waters at thought, causing a puddle that poor Neville happens to slip on… Sorry Neville!* )

Back to sane chocolate loving people, the reason why her cake is so important to get is due to one reason. She doesn't make it often. Its quite rare really. Why doesn't she make it often? Because the only kitchens in the great castle of Hogwarts are the ones used by creatures known to the wizard world as House Elf's. And Hermione is still a major activist, well the ONLY activist, in S.P.E.W. What ever that stands for. **(A/N: no seriously I don't know what it stands for. I used to but I cant remember and I'm way to busy [more like lazy ;P] to look it up LOL)**

But because the cakes are in such popular demand. Hermione decides to make them, possibly once every 4 months. I know, every 4 MONTHS! How cruel of her! Who knew she had such a dark side… (O.o?)

And of course a certain Malfoy must have the best of the best. So Draco declares that he must have a slice (or two) of Hermione's cake. But since Hermione promptly refuses to share with what she happily described was a "dirty mouthed ferret", and only give slices to what Draco in turn refers to as "gorillas" aka Hermione's friends, Draco has to resort to DRASTIC measures in order to get a bite of the "good stuff".

He has to resort to using his "goods.". Spotting the bushy haired Gryffindor handing out the precious slices of cake, Draco proceeded to unbutton the top button of his white school shirt, taking off his dark green tie in the process. Showing a glimpse of the beginning of what he considered to be luscious rock hard abs. Hastening his steps Draco smoothly sailed in front of Hermione's chocolate brown eyes. Mumbling a spell in the process to create a soft blowing wind that tousled his angelic blonde hair and a bright light appeared behind his body that made Draco shine with a brilliance.

"Hermione," Draco purred, his left hand resting under her chin as he leaned down towards her ear. "Don't you look beautiful today-." He tried to whisper before Hermione cut him off.

"Oh stuff it Malfoy, you are not getting a slice of this cake. And don't come near me, you reek!" Hermione's small pink lips puckered in a frown full of distaste. Her free hand pushing against Draco's muscular chest. Her cute button nose scrunched up trying to block off his "smell".

Draco instantly pouted at being shot down and tried for the innocent route instead. He let his eyes water a slight bit as his shoulders slumped, his hands ruffling the back of his hair sheepishly. "I just wanted to pay you a compliment Hermione. You didn't have to be so rude…." He mumbled, taking a baby step back away from her body. His skin instantly mourning the loss of the recent heat radiating from her body.

Rolling her eyes Hermione held the cake away from his wandering hands that seemed dangerously close to her hips. _When did he move towards me again?_ She thought. Grumbling Hermione gave him her best glare, black clouds formed around her head, thunder crackling through them. A strange dark mist enveloped them and her eyes shone furiously. "You cant have any cake. _Got that Ferret?_" Hermione's demon-like voice caused Draco to shudder and involuntarily take a another small step back. Gulping hard he tried to smirk, his hand ruffling through his once immaculate blonde hair once more.

"Still using that old nick name huh? I would've thought you could've came up with a better name then that in these past few years. And your supposed to be that smartest witch of this generation. What a laugh." Draco responded egotistically. Abandoning the innocent route. Now he was just thoroughly pissed off. What made her so fucking superior that she wont allow a fellow classmate to have a simple slice of cake? Nothing that's what! And Draco was sick of her attitude. He had been nothing if not civil towards her this past year. He may not like them, in fact he barely tolerated them, but he even got along with the Gryffindors. He even was, and dare he say it, on good terms with Harry, Ginny and shockingly Ron! So why wont she allow him the simple pleasures in life? Why? WHY? What? I'm being to dramatic about a slice of cake? Dude [or dudette] it's, and I'm going to put this nicely, CAKE! DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE AWESOMNESS THAT IS CAKE? Lame….

Hermione just raised an eyebrow. Smirking at him, she huffed and pointed at him, going into her diva mode. "Well now your defiantly not getting any cake you fucking brat!"

"Hmmm?" Draco responded, raising an eyebrow back at her. He sighed heavily and closed his eyes in exasperation. Holding to fingers in between the bridge of his nose, he peeked at Hermione like she was a troublesome two year old having a tantrum. "Why?" He asked, his face morphing into a mask of indifference.

"Excuse me?" Hermione balked at the stupidity of the question. Surely he knew why she wouldn't give him a slice of cake without a fight. Eyeing him suspiciously Hermione watched Draco. Trying to figure out what idiotic persona he was trying this time.

"I don't get it. I get along fine with Harry and the others. Why is it just you who seems to be stuck in the dam past?" Draco inquired. Leaning in close to her face. Hermione went beet red and started to stutter. But instead of stepping away she just leaned back, hoping that he would stop invading her space soon. His strong cologne clogging her nose and making her eyes water. _Did his cologne expire? Ugh he fucking REEKS! I just hope I don't faint…._ Hermione thought going slightly dizzy in the head. Her eyes donning anime swirls.

Hermione stumbled for words. Why? It was the first question that she couldn't seem to find an answer for. It was true, he got along fine with her friends, he stopped calling her mud blood what seemed like eons ago, and he was a pretty decent guy when he wanted to be. Her heart started to beat rapidly in panic. Getting quicker and louder as Draco leaned in closer as he searched for a suitable answer. Hermione was caught, and she had no way that she could get out of his grasp.

Hermione started backing up slowly, away from his piercing gaze. Draco noticed and snorted quietly, clearly getting more annoyed as the seconds ticked by. He followed in her footsteps and stepped in tune with her steps. A lump formed in Hermione's throat as she started panicking. Her back colliding with the cool stone of the castle's walls. Another small smirk teased Draco's lips as he realized that she was trapped.

Draco watched Hermione like a hawk as her eyes jabbed to her sides, obviously trying to find a way to escape without harming the rest of her cake. Draco's hand slammed into the wall above her head, his grey eyes growing dark. "Well? I'm waiting _Miss Granger_." He whispered into her ears, his warm breath tickling her hair and sending a nervous shiver down her spine. Her heartbeats going haywire. (Heartbeats you say? What I said heartbeats…well…never mind geez. Oh! Queue in Heartbeat by 2PM! I like that song. I don't like 2PM though…except of course Wooyoung and Nichkhun, Teac can go die… what sorry? That has nothing to do with the story? What's your point? *random reader advances with knife* OK OK I get it… back to the story!)

"I-I-I." Hermione mumbled still at a loss. Draco wove his hands through her surprisingly soft hair. She froze as he touched her. Her eyes growing wide like a deer caught in front of headlights. A small gasp escaped her plump lips, the cake held directly to the side of Draco's body.

Draco's other hand slowly traveled down the side of her torso. Sending icy jolts through her body, making her squeeze her eyes tightly shut as she tried, and failed, to ignore his soft hands. Draco grabbed Hermione's waist and pulled her against him, the cake fortunately still balancing in her one hand.

"Come on Hermione, just tell me." Draco kissed the top of her earlobes. His lips grazing the side of her cheek. His tongue slithered out like a snake and licked her smooth skin. "Mmm, tastes _just_ like chocolate." He smoothly whispered to himself, causing a new wave of extreme blushes to capture Hermione's face.

Then Hermione wondered why she was just letting him get the better of her this way. It was like she just got doused with a bucket of ice and reality sunk in. She couldn't believe that she was actually effected by Malfoy of all people! Furious she smacked Draco's pale face, leaving a bright red handprint across his cheeks. Steam rose out of her ears like train whistles and her fingers grasped the front of Draco's thin shirt.

"Don't you ever touch me like that again!" Hermione growled, vaguely resembling an angry dog. "If you want my cake so dam bloody much, then you can have it!" Hermione screamed, smashing that last remains into Draco's petrified face. Causing Draco to stumble backwards and land on his precious bubble butt. Bits of cake dropped off his head and stained his clothes as he fell. Mumbles starting to escape from the near by students as they watched in shock. I on the other let a tear escape from not getting ANY cake at all! Oh the injustice! What? I know I'm not a student! In fact I'm not any where near them…but I just realized that I don't have cake in my house either! Lame….

"AWW! You gave all the cake away!" Came a loud voice from Draco's left. Soon a tall red haired boy stepped out, staring at Draco longingly… No, Ron's not gay, he's just sad that the cake is now on Draco's face rather then in his belly. Aw poor Ron! I know how you feel mate.

Pouting Ron stared at Hermione who was still livid about Draco's almost successful attempt to seduce her. Her hair now stuck out in different directions, crackling with energy, and her face still swollen with anger. She looked like a volcano after it erupted. Still wild, angry and dangerous.

Ginny came rushing next with Harry in tow. Soaking up the scene, Ginny calmly watched Hermione. Ready if she needed to continue calming the witch. Draco was still on the floor, confused and still reeling from what had happened. Harry offered his hand and grunting, pulled him off the floor.

Draco looked at Harry with wide eyed innocence, still at a loss for coherent words. "What happened here?" Harry whispered, not wanting Hermione to turn and blow up at him next. Draco just shook his head, causing the rest of the cake to fall onto the floor. Ron whimpered as he watched it fall slow motion in his mind, possibly queuing in a funeral scene. _It was a good cake. Always worked hard to be delicious…_ a voice echoed within the red haired boy's head. _The death of a cake is just terrible…._

"All I wanted was a slice of cake…." Draco mumbled, like a small child who had gotten in trouble.

Ginny turned to Draco, Harry's hand still holding onto Draco's upper arm. "Did you just ask?" She inquired innocently. Draco snapped his head in her direction. His eyes going wide. Looking at Ginny, Draco thought back to all the times that Hermione made that cake and never gave him a bite. He always had to form some plan to manipulate Hermione into giving it to him.

"W-would that have actually worked?" Draco whispered to Ginny. He snuck a peek at Hermione who in turn was finally calm, her arms crossed and her chin turned upwards as if she was looking down at him.

"Of course! That's how Blaise and Pansy get they're slices." Ginny responded, ignoring Ron's sniff of the mention of others getting slices before him. A gasp escaped Draco's lips. All he had to do was ask? His whole world was turned upside down. It was just too simple.

"B-but she always refused! Asking just seemed to easy to work!" Draco exclaimed, throwing his hands up in exasperation. Hermione sighed, finally getting into the conversation.

"That's because you always try to trick it out of me! You never even tried to ask! Not even once!" Hermione shook her head and Draco continued to stare in shock. "Come on, I'll help you clean up." Hermione took Draco's limp hand and started to drag him to the nearest bathroom.

"And don't worry Ron. I've learned long ago how your eating habits work. I've made you a separate cake, its in the common room." Hermione yelled as she walked away from her friends. Catching a glimpse of Ron's face brightening up ecstatically at the thought of getting his very own cake.

Once inside the bathroom Hermione turned and faced Draco. Prepared to help him clean up the cake off of his smooth skin. Draco eyed Hermione suspiciously, something didn't feel right and he wasn't sure why. All he knew was that he didn't want to be near her at the moment. More out of fear then disgust though. Secretly Draco found Hermione incredibly sexy when angry.

"Tsk tsk Draco. What a perfectly good waste of cake." Hermione seductively whispered. She slowly advanced towards Draco, causing him to back up into the sinks of the prefects bathroom.

Coughing slightly due to his nerves, Draco glanced at Hermione. "Would that have really worked? Asking I mean…." He whispered as Hermione slithered up against him.

"Of course _Draco_." Hermione purred his name, her warm breath tickling his neck as she licked some cake off his cheek. Draco gulped loudly suddenly extremely scared for "junior" if you catch my drift.

Smirking, Hermione took the plunge and grasping Draco's pasty white face she smashed her lips onto his causing a very girly squeal from said slytherin. After they pulled apart Draco just stood there, shocked by Hermione Freaking-Now-It-All Granger actually kissing him! It was like all his dreams and fantasy's were coming true! How did I happen to know what his dreams and fantasy's were you ask? His Diary! How did I get a hold of his diary? Ill tell you the story…right after this slice of cake… *5 hours of kpop and 1 whole cake later* ok where was I…? OH! Right… forgot I stopped time there… ok FINE you got me, I didn't, but you get my point sheesh.

"W-why are y-you kissing me?" Draco stuttered, his brain still stuck in "girly OMG what? Mode".

"Shouldn't that be my line?" Hermione stepped back from Draco, letting her arms drag off his chest slowly. "Wow your more girly then I am!"

Blushing Draco wiped his mouth and turned around angrily. How _dare _she insult him! He let the sink fill up with warm water and began to splash some onto his hair, trying to get rid of as much cake as he could. That's when he felt her arms gradually encircle his torso.

"Ha-ha, Draco… I'm sorry for dumping the cake on you." Hermione snuggled into Draco's warm back, careening her head upwards, she snaked her tongue onto his neck carefully and slowly indulging on some lone cake slipping from his hair. Draco tensed up, his mind reeling from what was happening. He couldn't even comprehend the fact that Hermione was seducing him. Draco always figured he would be the one to seduce her.

"Hermione…." Draco croaked and slowly turned around in her arms, his back bending over slightly over the low sink. The ends of his shirt dampening from the water left behind. "My shirt is getting wet." He mumbled weakly, heart madly thumping against his chest. His breath coming out in short rasps.

"Well we can fix that." Hermione whispered, her face so close it was a wonder why they weren't kissing yet. Hermione slowly inched back, allowing Draco to peel off his shirt and throw it onto the floor.

They both dived in, they're lips crashing onto each other with brute force. Hands roaming in excitement. Her fingers crept down his front and grasped the front of his jeans. And the rest? Well.. Aren't you naughty wanting to know the details (PERV ALERT!) but I would like to give them they're privacy. I just hope the use a condom…wait would Draco know what that is? O.O?

Now I will take my leave and sneak out un-noticed before the moaning and grunts commence…oh wait they already did, never mind then…awkward…. .! And yes, I did happily stalk them! It is was I do best! Who am I? Well…you will never know… (;p)!

**Well that's it! I started writing this one shot waaaay back in I believe it was August.. But in my defence! I forgot…LOL but I FINALLY finished! Very happy with how it went yay!**

**Constructive criticism is very welcomed! I can take it! I'm a big girl! (cries in corner)**

**SONGS: GD&TOP, FT Island and B2ST! Plus Supa Luv by Teen Top. YAY kpop! **


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